In Which an Author Has Fun
by The13thGirlWithoutASoul
Summary: Hawkeye, Thor, Wasp, Iron Man, Captain America, and Ant Man are written up in a Fanfiction, with unfortunate consequences.


**Title: In Which an Author Has Fun**

**Rating: T**

**Summary: Hawkeye, Thor, Wasp, Iron Man, Captain America, and Ant Man are written up in a Fanfiction, with unfortunate consequences.**

**A/N: I am not making fun of anyone's fan fic in particular. Any resemblances to stories or characters living, dead, or on hiatus is complete coincidence.**

* * *

It started when Tony woke up and found that he was not in his bed, or his room. "Oh, shit. It's happening again," he said, getting out of bed and dressing before coming downstairs to see all the other Avengers.

"Oh, good morning, Tony," said Jan. "I think..."

"What is it?" asked Tony. Jan glanced around at everyone else, who had gathered in the kitchen despite the fact that no one was eating breakfast and just staring at the two, waiting for them to finish the conversation.

"Well, I can't really remember if I'm a bubbly, helpless airhead who's friends with everyone or just Hank's girly, bitchy, white-trash girlfriend, so I'm not sure if I should wish you a good morning or not." Jan explained with a frown. Tony scratched his head.

"If I was still in character, I might be able to figure this out, but currently I'm just a playboy completely incapable of anything but sarcastic comments, drinking, and banging random girls, sorry!" said Tony. Then Steve walked up and punched Tony in the face, yelling, "That's for existing in the twenty-first century!" he fell on his back.

"Now, why did I do that?" asked Steve, frowning. "And why do I feel like I should be crying endlessly and begging Tony's forgiveness before confessing my undying love for him? I'm not _that_ nice of a guy..."

"We're being fanfictioned." explained Jan in a sudden moment of lucid clarity. Then she stopped. "Damn! I used up the only reasonable line I get per chapter!" and went back to admiring her nails, despite the fact that she was wearing gloves. Steve frowned. "Suddenly I can't remember how to operate anything, at all, including the windows, which is odd, because I thought I was supposed to be smart, or at least catch on quickly."

"Hi, everyone! I feel like showing up for a paragraph or two, then completely fading out of existence! Why is that?" asked Spiderman, who suddenly walked into the kitchen. Tony looked up from knocking back unnamed alcoholic drinks. "We're being fanfictioned, Spidey." he explained. "At least...I'm pretty sure. I'm feeling stupider then usual today."

"Oh, okay," said Spiderman. "So, who's—" they told him who the author was and he sighed, taking off his mask to face palm. "That one's a bitch," he said, then, "Oh, by the way, you couldn't care less about my secret identity, right?"  
He considered Tony's vacant, drunken stare into space and Steve's nice, bumbling dork buy smile answer enough.

"Oh, hey, everyone." Clint said. "I decided to stop moping just long enough to randomly tell you where I was! Only, I can't remember if I was with the Hulk, Bobbi, Natasha, or someone's original character. Bye, I'm going to go sit in the rafters and angst." then he disappeared.

"But we're a state of the art building...why the hell do we have rafters?" asked Tony before picking up a random screwdriver and messing with a random electrical thing that the writer had no experience with and therefore couldn't describe.

No one answered his question. Jan jumped up from trying to see through her gloves to her manicure. "I'm going to go dump Hank for ignoring me and confess my undying love to one of the other guys on the team, probably Steve or Thor," she said. "Hey, do you know where he is?"

"Of course I do! He's in the lab, like he always is, because the writer just can't think of any other place to put him, doing an experiment that, like my devices, the writer cannot describe because they aren't familiar enough with them, and will simply refer to them as 'an experiment'," explained Tony before opening another bottle of unnamed alcoholic drink.

"Oh, okay!" said Jan, flouncing down the hall, because the writer had not bothered to think about the layout of Avengers Mansion. Tony frowned, mustering up the last few brain cells not marinated in alcohol, stood. "Crap! If we're being fanfictioned, then Thor..." he got up and swayed over to Thor, who was not in the kitchen, but the writer, unable to find a good place to put him, did not mention his location.

"Hey, Thor."

"Hey, Tony. You know what's weird? I can't seem to talk in character. And I keep forgetting who Jane Foster is."

"Yeah, we're being fanfictioned. Don't worry about Jane, the writer just forgets, too." there was a crash and both men ran to the lab, because that was where the crash was coming from (it always was).

* * *

When they came in, they found Hank ignoring Jan, who was passed out of the floor. "What happened?" asked Thor, because, being the one written up last, he still possessed some sense. Hank shrugged.

"She blinked too fast." then Jan conveniently woke up.

"What can I say? I'm really easy to knock unconscious and wake up at randomly inconsistent intervals!" she said with a peppy smile. Thor frowned.

"Is this the work of the Enchantress? Hey, I almost spoke in character—nope, lost it again." but the others shook their heads, except for Hank, who still didn't notice them and was looking through the microscope at the same slide he had been staring blankly at for the entire fic. "Nope, it's just the author."

"Who?"

They told him who the author was. Thor sighed. "You'd think she'd just leave us alone. I'm on the verge of using the word 'yo' and 'homie' in the same sentence."

"That would cause Steve to faint," giggled Tony drunkenly. "Since he's old fashioned and can't abide adapting." Clint peered down at them from the one random rafter on the ceiling.

"I'm Hawkeye, and even though I'm an ordinary human, I'm just as powerful as all of you powerful powered people!" then he sent a dark, soulful glare at everyone, because that was how he rolled (in the fan fic at least) and also because he had self confidence issues. Everyone rolled their eyes in unison (except for Hank) at him, because no one ever took Hawkeye seriously until it was too late and the world was exploding.

"I feel the sudden urge to harshly kill someone," announced Hank, stepping away from the microscope. "But in the nicest way possible."

Everyone else just stood there, wondering what they were going to do with their lives. Jan then frowned in contemplation. "Yeah, I feel like I'm going to get new abilities and unleash hidden potential, even though Hank designed my powers, leaving no room for extra manifestation." she smiled blithely.

"Yeah, and I'm going to go drink a scotch and get drunk, because even after years of drinking, I still can't hold my alcohol any better then a gerbil!" said Tony, randomly tossing small, unnamed electronic devices in the air. Everyone stared into space until Thor came to himself for a moment.

"Yo, Tony, watcha' doing?" he asked, his eyes widening in horror when he realized what he had said. "This is getting crackier by the second! We have to stop this!" however, everyone had forgotten about their superpowers.

_A giggle sounded throughout the halls._

* * *

Tony opened his eyes to find himself lying on the counter with scotch all over his face. "It happened again, didn't it?" he asked Thor, who stretched his limbs, sore from being in the refrigerator for so long, before nodded.

"Aye, it did. I will seek vengeance against the writer, if it is the last thing I do!"

"Or—" his voice dropped to a whisper, "Just try not to attract her attention, and everything will be okay!"

The two mighty heroes nodded and tiptoed off.

About five hours later, T'Challa, who had been largely ignored the entire time, opened up his closet, where he had heard something moving.

Out of the empty closet tumbled Thor, Tony, Jan, Hank, and Steve, who quickly climbed back in again. Jan put a finger to her lips. "We're hiding from the author." whispered Steve.

T'Challa didn't even reply. He was too busy running.

* * *

**A/N: Yea, it's another oneshot. I got bored working on Sting. Like I said, don't get offended if your story has 1) Hawkeye and an OC 2) Hank spending hours in his lab 3) any other offensive thing here because chances are its not your story I have in mind. **

**Reading and Reviewing would be great! **


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